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In the past couple of years, I've come to the realization that I was "doing Saint Marks" and "doing Orthodoxy" all wrong.  In short, I was living a life of idol worship.
I was trying to fit Orthodoxy and parish life at Saint Marks into a round hole with my square peg ideas.  Well, I was wrong, and I'm sorry.  

My aspirations were self-centered idol worship.  I was worshipping goals and dreams that are inappropriate for me.  I aspired to be a Sub-Deacon and beyond after years of aspiring to "join the Ministry" in my prior christian jurisdictions.  It took a long time and merciful patience for God to show me that this path I was on was not to be.
He was merciful and kind.  He waited for me to get a clue for literally years.  He let me wear myself out, and that was most kind of Him.  I'm glad he didn't use a club instead!

I finally came to realize that I am called to be an obedient layman.  I am called to work out of being what I really am, a "chief sinner" and work into being a simple Orthodox Christian.  Nothing more, nothing less.
A song comes to mind.  "We fall down, we cast our crowns at the feet of Jesus."

I was disobedient to God's original call to me.  "You are called to be a writer."  Period.  Becoming a Priest was my idea, and not His.  So I've finally laid my idol down.  The future is anyone's guess, but it IS in His hands, not mine.
Not a bad place to start.  And I should have started this new path a long time ago.  As a freelance writer, I have a regular 9 - 5 job I'm responsible to be a good steward of, and a great family, that likewise.  I should have put those in reverse order.  

God has called me to be faithful in a few things instead of unfaithful with many things.  It's a start.  God be merciful to me a sinner!  Happy New Year!