CONFESSIONS OF A RECOVERING IDOL WORSHIPPER
BY READER COLUMBA SILOUAN
In the past couple of years, I've come to the realization that I was "doing Saint Marks" and "doing Orthodoxy" all wrong. In short, I was living a life of idol worship.
I was trying to fit Orthodoxy and parish life at Saint Marks into a round hole with my square peg ideas. Well, I was wrong, and I'm sorry.
My aspirations were self-centered idol worship. I was worshipping goals and dreams that are inappropriate for me. I aspired to be a Sub-Deacon and beyond after years of aspiring to "join the Ministry" in my prior christian jurisdictions. It took a long time and merciful patience for God to show me that this path I was on was not to be.
He was merciful and kind. He waited for me to get a clue for literally years. He let me wear myself out, and that was most kind of Him. I'm glad he didn't use a club instead!
I finally came to realize that I am called to be an obedient layman. I am called to work out of being what I really am, a "chief sinner" and work into being a simple Orthodox Christian. Nothing more, nothing less.
A song comes to mind. "We fall down, we cast our crowns at the feet of Jesus."
I was disobedient to God's original call to me. "You are called to be a writer." Period. Becoming a Priest was my idea, and not His. So I've finally laid my idol down. The future is anyone's guess, but it IS in His hands, not mine.
Not a bad place to start. And I should have started this new path a long time ago. As a freelance writer, I have a regular 9 - 5 job I'm responsible to be a good steward of, and a great family, that likewise. I should have put those in reverse order.
God has called me to be faithful in a few things instead of unfaithful with many things. It's a start. God be merciful to me a sinner! Happy New Year!